To Err.

I want to learn everything thing again!

To start from the beginning and not understand.

To be naïve and dumb once again.

To have to pretend to know what I don’t comprehend.

Everything delivered to me in a polished formed.

That I except without any qualms.

And the more I know the less I have hope.

It would be so much simpler to learn the one oh one

Than to expand my horizon and wait till time stops.

When everyone around me ascends

I am left to pretend that I understand

I’m suppose to know what I did.

There is no danger in what you don’t know

We only fear when our knowledge begins to grow.

The expanding of knowledge begins the expelling.

We are promised a home made of gold

But we must be dictated by those who make our goals.

Don’t step out of line. Do only whats right.

Don’t judge, let yourself be judge by your father

And don’t you dare falter, you belong to him

So, don’t look for answers in others

Don’t be human, don’t be individuals.

Follow the cult and go with the trend.

In science to err is human, yet everywhere else it’s sin.

Retweet

My World is changing,

rearranging,

as everything is fading,

no more values, just hating.

no more talking, just complaining

Hard work is cheap, no more straining

History likes to repeat,

and we don’t even see

we wont get to our feet

to busy trying to retweet

We could shatter like glass,

just like the past.

watch our lives pass,

wait for the crash.

if these days are the last,

then let’s have a blast!

Let our world be destroyed,

who gives a crap.

 

Sanctuary

When it comes to were you feel the most relaxed, there are multiple places. Your home, the gym, maybe even your car. Regardless it should be a place where you feel safe, comfortable and at peace. Some place where you can forget the troubles of the world, and escape the everyday rigmarole. Some people even go as far as to add some sort of safety blanket like movies, games, or books. Hobbies can be some of the best escapes.

Reading or writing for example can cause a sense of wonder, allowing you to go places that you have never been. Making it a freeing experience where all the real troubles of the world don’t exist. You can do things that you would other wise never be able to do in your real life. Movies can also have the same effect.

I have spent a countless amount of time to make my home a place where not only I can find sanctuary but my kids can too. Yet the other day I had my best friend over and it made me realize something very important. I spend so time much making a home where my kids and myself can be at peace. Yet I never thought about my friends. I strongly believe that everyone should be at peace in my house as much as I am. If I am not stressed in my own home than why should anyone that visits feel any different?

While my friend was here he fell asleep during the movie we were watching and I thought. This guy has been through a lot in the past few weeks, (I will leave detail out in respect of his privacy) and for the first time in months he seemed at peace.

So from now on I will strive to make my home a place where even my friends and family will feel welcomed. A place where no matter what is happening to them in the world, they can let their guard down and relax. They can come and enjoy themselves, take a nap, have an ear to listen, and always feel invited. A place where they know the struggles of the world will disappear even if it’s for a few hours.

If I had to say I learn anything it’s that we all need a place free of judgment and stress. I know that one of the things that help me feel relaxed is spending time with friends, so my friends should feel welcomed and invited in my home and know that my door is always open to them.

So to my friends, new and old, I want extend the invitation to you. If you ever just want a place to escape and relax, watch a movie, read a book, play a game or talk. I am here so don’t hesitate. Life is tough sometimes but you don’t have to go through it all alone.

As for my Committed Readers, I will keep trying to provide you with advice and content that will help you to escape as well. My blog is a big part of my sanctuary and you are always welcomed to continue browsing and spending time getting lost and relaxing.

Yours always,

E.B.

Music Is Life

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Music has a way to affect mood, emotion, and feelings in people in many different ways. Some people listen to music to get hype, others listen to it in order to put themselves in a mood, and still others listen to just enjoy it. Regardless of the reason everyone listens to music, even the deaf can feel the power of music through vibrations. Music affects everyone, we all have a favorite song or a list of song that become our go to in times of different emotion situation.

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Music is a universal thing, a song that your friends might make fun of you for enjoy, could in fact be a No. 1 hit in a country halfway around the world. We love to think that we are the ones who discovered that unheard of band, but the reality, which is actually pretty amazing, is that 100’s of 1000’s of people all found this band at the same time and there for in a weird way, all those people are connected through the universal language of music. For a minute those 100’s of 1000’s of people all feel the exact same feeling, over the idea that they were the first. That is why we get so upset when those secret gems become world wide hits. Because in a way we feel like we deserve credit or that they were there just for us.

Music has had many different influences in many lives. It’s been known to have curative properties, it’s been known to help stimulate different aspect of living organisms, music can even make our point of view skewed. Where would we be without music, and how would we ever make it through long car rides, showers, or get hyped in the gym without it?

musicSo here is the way I am going to end my monologue on music. I ask you my Committed Reader, what is your current jam? What song (or group of songs) do you currently play all the time right now? Share it with me, I would love to even here the story behind why that song/s mean so much to you! Who knows, I may find my new favorite song because of you.

 

My Inner Thoughts

I feel so much hate, I’m forever enraged. In a fight for my fate that I have to engage in day after day. Until I can’t sustain, keeping score on the slate. Losing mate after mate, my minds in a haze and my life is a maze. Nothing pertains but everything is the same and I can’t keep myself sane, I want to break the chains, but I cant, to weak I have no strength. No energy my mind is in a glaze. I want it but I can’t chase. I’m infinitely unsure of every damn thing. Maybe it’s in my DNA and when you unravel the strain you can physically see the pain. It’s become engrained and it’s deep in my veins, and it’s infected my brain. My thoughts contain things I’ve pushed away, troubles and struggles that would amaze. I struggle to feign the fact that I strain and I pretend that in my own mind I reign. I should hold all the blame for the things that pertain to my name. I take aim at a claim that is fake and should be reclaimed. So tie me up and light the flame, so I can be rid of this shame, and be done with this game.

The Truth I Know

Here you are.
And there you go.
You’re leaving fast.
When we started slow.

My heart is cracked.
And the glue won’t hold.
You won’t be back.
That’s the truth I know.

Here you are.
And there you go.
You’re leaving fast.
When we started slow.

We’ve been so far.
Through the highs and lows.
And we grew apart.
When we seemed real close.

Here we are.
And there you go.
And you won’t be back.
Yeah, this I know.

Update

So I forgot to mention in my last post about something my four year old did. Which made me laugh.

There has been this random piece of trash on the stairs leading up to our floor. It has been there for almost the entirety of our occupancy thus far.

So my daughter likes to hold my hand as she makes her way up the stairs. Well the day in question I was in somewhat of a hurry and so I was rushing her along. She was moving pretty briskly for a toddler taking on stairs. I wasn’t paying to much attention to her cause she has climbed those stairs countless times before.

It wasn’t till we reached the trash on the stairs that I felt a jerk on my arm. It seems in an attempt to avoid stepping on this sticky piece of trash, my daughter chose to sacrifice herself to the dangers of falling. Putting all hope for her life on the precarious grip our hands shared. Luckily I had repositioned my grip moments before and managed to pull her 40 pound frame safely to the next step.

It was in that moment that I realized, my daughter was ready to die for her cause, no matter the outcome. I am not looking forward to her teenage years. This is going to be a hell of a ride!

Day 33-37

What more can I say about apartment life? They are becoming few and far between but that’s just because we are finally comfortable. The neighbors still sound like they have cement shoes on their feet. I wish they would go take a swim. The weed smell has gotten to the point where the next time it happens the cops will be called to deal with it.

If you wanna smoke weed and get away with it, maybe you shouldn’t draw attention to yourself with all the noise. Of course, that’s just my opinion.

I have taken over the kitchen table as my office. Katie tries to act important and sit at the table with her laptop. Like she is doing anything.

We still need some furniture like end tables and bookshelves but other than that we have all the necessities.

As much as I wanted to say that everything has settled and there really is no major problems. I can’t. The A.C. that they supposedly fixed last week is not cooling anything. so as much as I love to wake up with my face stuck to the pillow I would rather not. My four year old has woken up multiple times in the night crying because she is hot.

This is what I will focus on, sucks for them that rent is due and I still haven’t paid. They have at least a week to fix it.

Love is Blind

For the longest time I thought the old idiom “Love is blind” meant that you didn’t see imperfection in those you loved. It meant that you loved them for them, despite their looks, their race, or their flaws. That it would be vain to choose someone based on those merits because everyone deserved to be loved and that personality and attitude could overcome physical features.

Over the years I’ve learned that, that is not the case at all. My interpretation is not the true meaning of the idiom. After being in multiple relationships and seeing my friends in relationships, some good and some bad, for both, I’ve learned a few things.

Sometimes we want a relationship so bad that we overlook red flags, warning signs and friends advice. We see a perfect relationship without faults, in our mind everything is copasetic. We harmonize with our partner and things couldn’t be better. It’s not till it’s to late that we start to see how toxic the relationship is. We can finally lift the cull and see the duality of the relationship.

Our friends might try to intervene, in an attempt to help, but we ignore it, because we are blinded by love. An ailment that we can do nothing for, “just let it run it’s course”. Having been on both sides of this phenomena, I can attest to the pain felt from both sides. As the person in the relationship, it is usually to late before you realize that there was even a problem.

On the other side of the spectrum, as a friend having to watch it happen, you can’t help but almost mourn for your friend going through it. You wish they would heed your advice about the relationship. You would give anything for them to see that you are only trying to help. Sometimes they may see it as a selfish attempt, by you the friends, to take up their time.

Of course as friends we must learn to respect that we will not always get to spend time with those we love due to insurmountable circumstances. Be it work, school, love interests or scheduling. We must learn to enjoy and make the most of the limited amount of time we get together. Creating memories instead of rehashing conversations about past mistakes. In  friendships I find that sometimes we must let the past die before we people will prove that they have changed.

Abuse, manipulation, and irrational behavior are all signs of blind love. In certain situation a person can try to justify behavior that maybe illicit, unable to distinguished between right and wrong.

Blind love isn’t always a bad thing in some cases blind love can be beautiful. Being able to transcend race, age, handicap, and flaws, being the purest form of unconditional love. In these cases blind love is actually a beautiful thing. But learning to differentiate between the wrong and right kind of blind love can be difficult for most. To say that we have not all been blinded at one point would be a lie. So maybe we need to take a step back and agree to only step in when we feel our friends are the most vulnerable. On the flip side we should also agree to take a moment to consider where are friends are coming from, when they decide to confront us about our situation in a relationship.

Love, each other and except that we all make mistakes. We must be ready at any moment to help each other out and pick each other up! Friendship is something that we all need in our lives, to me friends where there before relationships and so they should be held in high regards when compared to the relationship.

As always, thank you my Committed Reader.

I hope you enjoyed this as much I as I enjoy writing it.

-EB