Three Little Words

Is it too early

Or am I too late

Should I hurry

Or maybe wait?

How will I know

Is there a sign

Will I get a note?

Is it almost time?

I think I’m ready

Is it now or never?

This is too scary

It feels like forever

I’m tired of waiting

Maybe I’ll say it

There’s no abating

Okay forget it

I’m too nervous

But I’m also excited

My mind is a circus

I’m a little frightened

It’s really very simple

But timing is key

It’s also difficult

But it will set me free

I hold my breath

I’m waiting for the moment

Here is my chance

I hope I don’t blow it.

Ready or not it’s coming

My heart is beating fast

I feel like I’m running

I want this to last

So I say this here

And I say it loud

I want you to hear

That I am proud

I mean this in every way

And I promise it’s true

So believe me when I say

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Butterflies!

One kiss on the lips and away I slip.

My heart beat quickens and I lose grip.

We dance into a crowd and we are lost.

In an instant we forget, and now it’s just us.

An embrace that pushes everything away!

No fears or worries. no knowledge of pain.

We become one in a sea of many.

And for a moment that is plenty.

We come back to a reality that is now less gloomy.

A reality with new colors, life and beauty.

And when I reminisce about that night.

It feels as if butterflies are taking flight.

My body fills with a sense of euphoria.

So strong that I can feel it begin to gnaw.

The only thing that can make it subside.

Is know that you will come back to my side.

 

To Err.

I want to learn everything thing again!

To start from the beginning and not understand.

To be naïve and dumb once again.

To have to pretend to know what I don’t comprehend.

Everything delivered to me in a polished formed.

That I except without any qualms.

And the more I know the less I have hope.

It would be so much simpler to learn the one oh one

Than to expand my horizon and wait till time stops.

When everyone around me ascends

I am left to pretend that I understand

I’m suppose to know what I did.

There is no danger in what you don’t know

We only fear when our knowledge begins to grow.

The expanding of knowledge begins the expelling.

We are promised a home made of gold

But we must be dictated by those who make our goals.

Don’t step out of line. Do only whats right.

Don’t judge, let yourself be judge by your father

And don’t you dare falter, you belong to him

So, don’t look for answers in others

Don’t be human, don’t be individuals.

Follow the cult and go with the trend.

In science to err is human, yet everywhere else it’s sin.

Retweet

My World is changing,

rearranging,

as everything is fading,

no more values, just hating.

no more talking, just complaining

Hard work is cheap, no more straining

History likes to repeat,

and we don’t even see

we wont get to our feet

to busy trying to retweet

We could shatter like glass,

just like the past.

watch our lives pass,

wait for the crash.

if these days are the last,

then let’s have a blast!

Let our world be destroyed,

who gives a crap.

 

Sanctuary

When it comes to were you feel the most relaxed, there are multiple places. Your home, the gym, maybe even your car. Regardless it should be a place where you feel safe, comfortable and at peace. Some place where you can forget the troubles of the world, and escape the everyday rigmarole. Some people even go as far as to add some sort of safety blanket like movies, games, or books. Hobbies can be some of the best escapes.

Reading or writing for example can cause a sense of wonder, allowing you to go places that you have never been. Making it a freeing experience where all the real troubles of the world don’t exist. You can do things that you would other wise never be able to do in your real life. Movies can also have the same effect.

I have spent a countless amount of time to make my home a place where not only I can find sanctuary but my kids can too. Yet the other day I had my best friend over and it made me realize something very important. I spend so time much making a home where my kids and myself can be at peace. Yet I never thought about my friends. I strongly believe that everyone should be at peace in my house as much as I am. If I am not stressed in my own home than why should anyone that visits feel any different?

While my friend was here he fell asleep during the movie we were watching and I thought. This guy has been through a lot in the past few weeks, (I will leave detail out in respect of his privacy) and for the first time in months he seemed at peace.

So from now on I will strive to make my home a place where even my friends and family will feel welcomed. A place where no matter what is happening to them in the world, they can let their guard down and relax. They can come and enjoy themselves, take a nap, have an ear to listen, and always feel invited. A place where they know the struggles of the world will disappear even if it’s for a few hours.

If I had to say I learn anything it’s that we all need a place free of judgment and stress. I know that one of the things that help me feel relaxed is spending time with friends, so my friends should feel welcomed and invited in my home and know that my door is always open to them.

So to my friends, new and old, I want extend the invitation to you. If you ever just want a place to escape and relax, watch a movie, read a book, play a game or talk. I am here so don’t hesitate. Life is tough sometimes but you don’t have to go through it all alone.

As for my Committed Readers, I will keep trying to provide you with advice and content that will help you to escape as well. My blog is a big part of my sanctuary and you are always welcomed to continue browsing and spending time getting lost and relaxing.

Yours always,

E.B.

Dear Angela,

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Yesterday was Mothers Day, I went and spent some time with Liam. He fills me with an emotion that I can’t even begin to define. Love, pride, woe and happiness, all wrapped in one.

He is getting so big, and he is the happiest baby I have ever seen! I joked with Zack about how big his ears are (something that he got from you) they stick out so much. I’m afraid that he might just take off in the Oklahoma wind.

I’m glad that you did at least get to see him before the end, but I wish you could have held him at least once. You both deserved to have felt each other, even if for a moment. I promise that he will know how great of a mother you were and how much you wanted him in our lives.

I know that he will see a lot of you in his siblings and he will see the work you did to raise them, and care for them.

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Rose is growing up way to fast and I have to except that no matter how much I try I can’t stop her. She is the smartest 4-year-old ever. She just graduated from daycare, you would have been so proud of her! I can just picture the look on your face if you had seen her in her little cap and gown. I know that she learned a lot from you, you taught her so much and it amazes me how much like a sponge she is. I assure you though that she is still a little pain in the butt when it comes to pooping in the potty, I’m sure my sister can attest to that, she gives us both grief in that front. I know that she will grow up to be smart and devoted, just like you!

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Alicia had her spring concert recently and she did amazing! I know that she would have loved to be more involved with the band this year but given the circumstances, she did what she could. Not to sell her short she did really great and I am proud of her.
On that note, your shy reserved and timid daughter was also in a play. Yeah, Alicia acted in front of people! I would have never guessed she would be involved in drama, but here she is on the brink of becoming an actor.
She still writes and does art which she gets better at every day. I see a lot of you in her. I see your sense of wonder and curiosity in her, I see things that could never be taught but only inherited. She is your daughter inside (in spirit) and outside (her ears).

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Katie, whoo, where do I even start with Katie? She has your personality, I mean I don’t think that I could have handled two of you at the same time. Yet I would have willingly done it if I had been given the chance.
She always amazes me with her creativity, and her eagerness to learn new things (as long as it’s what she wants to learn). She has switched over to the academy from homeschooling and she is unstoppable! She is poised to graduate next year! She is blowing through classes like no other!
I see your determination and fighting zeal in her every day. I have no worries that Katie will grow up to become whatever she wants to be. She is independent and self-motivated and I know she will do great things with her life.

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Zack, well what can I say about your son? He is no longer that little boy with the girly voice, he is pretty much a man now. Although I will always see him as an indecisive teen. Don’t let that fool you he is growing up into a very capable and determined young man.
He just graduated from the Tech Center and is set to graduate from high school in a few days.
Funny thing about Zack he got your sense of humor, and your ability to find amusement in things that others would overlook. He owes a lot to you, even if he doesn’t see it all right now, he is slowly learning all things you tried to instill in him.

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Derp, yes Derp. He is still hanging in there, a little less masculine than before, but still as ornery as ever.

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It’s funny as I write this, I realize that you not only left behind memories, you left behind a puzzle. Each one of your kids is a piece of you. You made it to where your kids would have to stay together in order to see you again. I’ve seen it first-hand today!
We went out on Mothers Day and spent the whole day playing pool. I swear I have not seen those kids get along and smile so much in a long time. It felt like you were there with us, as Zack and Katie went back and forth trading quips and laughing. As Alicia concentrated, determined to sink the ball. Rose climbing over all the chairs and under the table. Putting chalk on our sticks and her face, helping all of us with our shots, giggling and smiling the whole time.
It has been tough this last year, learning to deal with everything and trying to bring balance into our lives.
We have never once set forth to learn to live without you, that just isn’t possible, what we have done is learned to live for you and with you. We carry your memory with us and uphold your virtues. We strive to learn from your teaching as well as your mistakes, in order to show everyone that you are among us no matter what.
To say you are missing out on what is happening in our lives is a lie, I know you are there the only thing you are missing out on is the physical.
I do my best to take care of the gifts you have left me. I do what I can and hope that it is enough, although it is sometimes tough by myself, it is in you that I find the strength and will to protect, love, and nurture these kids!C14E412D-FF7A-4588-ADBA-95B24BE2B6BD.png

I want you to know that we Love You, Miss You, and Always Remember You.

Your kids have written there own word to express how they feel and I have included them here.

Zack,

“I miss you so much Mom. I graduate in a week and even though you aren’t here I know you are watching over me and all of us. I know that you are proud of me everyday. I’m glad that you are my guardian angel because I always stop from doing stupid things and I always know it’s you protecting me. I love you always and forever”

Katie,

“Mom,
Not a day goes by where I don’t think about you. We all miss you so much and wish you were still here with us. But I know you’re watching over us, making sure we don’t make a mistake. Everyone is doing so many things that you would be so proud of. I would give anything just to have one more conversation with you just to tell you that I love you one last time. Happy Mother’s Day Mom.”

Alicia,

“Every day I miss you Mom. It always hurts. But every day, minute, and second, the pain slowly goes away. I’m reminded of you every day in small things. The random shivers I have, even the way a person laughs. And I smile. I miss you, but I know you never left for one second.
Happy Mother’s Day”

Music Is Life

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Music has a way to affect mood, emotion, and feelings in people in many different ways. Some people listen to music to get hype, others listen to it in order to put themselves in a mood, and still others listen to just enjoy it. Regardless of the reason everyone listens to music, even the deaf can feel the power of music through vibrations. Music affects everyone, we all have a favorite song or a list of song that become our go to in times of different emotion situation.

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Music is a universal thing, a song that your friends might make fun of you for enjoy, could in fact be a No. 1 hit in a country halfway around the world. We love to think that we are the ones who discovered that unheard of band, but the reality, which is actually pretty amazing, is that 100’s of 1000’s of people all found this band at the same time and there for in a weird way, all those people are connected through the universal language of music. For a minute those 100’s of 1000’s of people all feel the exact same feeling, over the idea that they were the first. That is why we get so upset when those secret gems become world wide hits. Because in a way we feel like we deserve credit or that they were there just for us.

Music has had many different influences in many lives. It’s been known to have curative properties, it’s been known to help stimulate different aspect of living organisms, music can even make our point of view skewed. Where would we be without music, and how would we ever make it through long car rides, showers, or get hyped in the gym without it?

musicSo here is the way I am going to end my monologue on music. I ask you my Committed Reader, what is your current jam? What song (or group of songs) do you currently play all the time right now? Share it with me, I would love to even here the story behind why that song/s mean so much to you! Who knows, I may find my new favorite song because of you.

 

My Inner Thoughts

I feel so much hate, I’m forever enraged. In a fight for my fate that I have to engage in day after day. Until I can’t sustain, keeping score on the slate. Losing mate after mate, my minds in a haze and my life is a maze. Nothing pertains but everything is the same and I can’t keep myself sane, I want to break the chains, but I cant, to weak I have no strength. No energy my mind is in a glaze. I want it but I can’t chase. I’m infinitely unsure of every damn thing. Maybe it’s in my DNA and when you unravel the strain you can physically see the pain. It’s become engrained and it’s deep in my veins, and it’s infected my brain. My thoughts contain things I’ve pushed away, troubles and struggles that would amaze. I struggle to feign the fact that I strain and I pretend that in my own mind I reign. I should hold all the blame for the things that pertain to my name. I take aim at a claim that is fake and should be reclaimed. So tie me up and light the flame, so I can be rid of this shame, and be done with this game.

The Enigma of Life

We all do it regardless of the reason.

Some people do it when nervous or just for fun.

Other do it when over joyed or stressed a ton.

Sometimes its short sometimes it long.

There are millions of reason for why it happens.

Sometimes we do it and end up clapping.

There are times when there’s just no stopping.

and we end up doing it till we’re sobbing.

When done in a group it might sound like hens.

It’s hard to fake and try to pretend.

It’s comforting, only when it’s genuine,

and better when shared among a group of friends.

It’s something that should be thought after.

Always thrilling and never lack luster.

This thing is hard to control and Master.

The thing I am talking about is Laughter!

via Daily Prompt: Laughter

Flaunt

The way she flaunts, her body at me.

Knowing what I want and making me weak.

Moving her body in a taunt, swaying her cheeks.

She will leave you stunned with her physique.

Movements so fluid they haunt, I want to shriek.

She is on the hunt and ready, her bodies in heat..

Her curves take me on a jaunt, as I reach my peak.

She has so much fun with new techniques.

The way that she grunts, and grips the sheets.

It’s will leave you sprung, a feeling so unique!

via Daily Prompt: Flaunt