Life: Go Disrupt Yourself

A lot happens in life that can disrupt daily routines. As I sit out on the balcony of my apartment, a place I have only lived in for 21 days, I see a lot going on. I see kids playing between the buildings, people coming and going, and sounds of ambulances (I live close to the hospital).

I stop to wonder what would happen if any of these people where to have experienced what I’ve experienced? Would they be able to handle it or would they breakdown in grief and dismay? I don’t like to talk about what I’ve been through that much, but maybe I should. That’s a conversation for another time though.

My point is that sometimes I look at the people going on about their day and I wonder. Will I ever have a routine again? I mean as soon as I was getting into a routine from the first disruption, I was hit with the second one. Most people don’t understand how much I miss the mundane, doing the same thing over and over everyday would be a welcomed change to the amount of paperwork, phone calls, and uncertainty that I deal with. It’s sounds like a desk job but in reality it’s a me just picking up the pieces from everything that has happen. I am to the point that I hate phone calls and people coming to my door, those two things cause so much anxiety for me that I come close to just shutting down. I just can’t afford anymore bad news, that I’ve become an introvert that is starting to borderline on recluse. I’m sure that if I were to drop dead I would still have anxiety, yet what can I do about it?

I have to take care of my children and move forward to show them that you can’t let a little hardship define you and bring you down. I brave on for them. Maybe someday I will figure out how to deal with this anxiety, and when that time comes maybe than I will be able to relax.

via Daily Prompt: Disrupt

Froth: Love Incarnate.

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We are like the sea and the land, the beach and the water colliding. Agitating one another, with a passionate friction, the ebb and tide creating a luminescent glow that only we knew about. We belong by each other but not with each other. You are meant for things I could never imagine and I, the same in your eyes.

I wish that we could be as the ponds or the lakes. The land holding the water, surrounding it and letting it erode parts away. Till the water is comfortable and free yet protected.

At last that can not be us, for you the sea are to much to tame an entity all it’s self, free and unpredictable. Yet calm, cool, and tranquil when needed.

And I the land, although I am very important for life, I sometimes wish to be set free! To rumble and crack, having you fill every crevice of my being! To feel the tsunamis of your love crash against my shores, in euphoric ecstasy. The ebb and tide of your waves moving across my beach with such pleasure that we can’t help but froth!

Yet it can not be, for we are too important in our own worlds and to our own creatures! We found our niche and that is were we belong, but to say I have forgotten what we had or what we once were would be ridiculous. The memories of what created, what we now are, will forever be ingrained in my life.

A super continent and massive body of water inchoate in life. We started young and have come so far. So it is, that we must learn to coexist together without sabotaging what we’ve accomplished.

via Daily Prompt: Froth

We were Luminescent

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From the moment I saw her walk into my class, I knew that she would change my life. I could feel it, I was in love and that was it. A luminescent love that had yet to reach the temperature of incandescence.

Oh what I wouldn’t give to be her everything. I wanted to be the cardigan she wore, loosely fitting but tight enough to feel secure. I wanted to be her glasses, to see the world through her eyes. I wanted to be her phone, something so important that it was always by her side. I wanted to be the book she read before she went to bed, getting all the attention form her. I wanted to be her mirror, to watch her insecurities disappear as she danced and sang in front of me.  I wanted to be her blankets, to cocoon her in a long embrace, trapping her own warmth within and just letting her melt into a vulnerable state.

But most importantly I wanted to be all those things at once, I wanted to be her best friend. The person that could do all those things at once. But I new that I would have to step up my own luminescence, and step out of my comfort zone, A simple gesture would not win her over, it would have to be a triumphant display. I knew I was in for a fight and I was more than ready!