Sanctuary

When it comes to were you feel the most relaxed, there are multiple places. Your home, the gym, maybe even your car. Regardless it should be a place where you feel safe, comfortable and at peace. Some place where you can forget the troubles of the world, and escape the everyday rigmarole. Some people even go as far as to add some sort of safety blanket like movies, games, or books. Hobbies can be some of the best escapes.

Reading or writing for example can cause a sense of wonder, allowing you to go places that you have never been. Making it a freeing experience where all the real troubles of the world don’t exist. You can do things that you would other wise never be able to do in your real life. Movies can also have the same effect.

I have spent a countless amount of time to make my home a place where not only I can find sanctuary but my kids can too. Yet the other day I had my best friend over and it made me realize something very important. I spend so time much making a home where my kids and myself can be at peace. Yet I never thought about my friends. I strongly believe that everyone should be at peace in my house as much as I am. If I am not stressed in my own home than why should anyone that visits feel any different?

While my friend was here he fell asleep during the movie we were watching and I thought. This guy has been through a lot in the past few weeks, (I will leave detail out in respect of his privacy) and for the first time in months he seemed at peace.

So from now on I will strive to make my home a place where even my friends and family will feel welcomed. A place where no matter what is happening to them in the world, they can let their guard down and relax. They can come and enjoy themselves, take a nap, have an ear to listen, and always feel invited. A place where they know the struggles of the world will disappear even if it’s for a few hours.

If I had to say I learn anything it’s that we all need a place free of judgment and stress. I know that one of the things that help me feel relaxed is spending time with friends, so my friends should feel welcomed and invited in my home and know that my door is always open to them.

So to my friends, new and old, I want extend the invitation to you. If you ever just want a place to escape and relax, watch a movie, read a book, play a game or talk. I am here so don’t hesitate. Life is tough sometimes but you don’t have to go through it all alone.

As for my Committed Readers, I will keep trying to provide you with advice and content that will help you to escape as well. My blog is a big part of my sanctuary and you are always welcomed to continue browsing and spending time getting lost and relaxing.

Yours always,

E.B.

Dear Angela,

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Yesterday was Mothers Day, I went and spent some time with Liam. He fills me with an emotion that I can’t even begin to define. Love, pride, woe and happiness, all wrapped in one.

He is getting so big, and he is the happiest baby I have ever seen! I joked with Zack about how big his ears are (something that he got from you) they stick out so much. I’m afraid that he might just take off in the Oklahoma wind.

I’m glad that you did at least get to see him before the end, but I wish you could have held him at least once. You both deserved to have felt each other, even if for a moment. I promise that he will know how great of a mother you were and how much you wanted him in our lives.

I know that he will see a lot of you in his siblings and he will see the work you did to raise them, and care for them.

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Rose is growing up way to fast and I have to except that no matter how much I try I can’t stop her. She is the smartest 4-year-old ever. She just graduated from daycare, you would have been so proud of her! I can just picture the look on your face if you had seen her in her little cap and gown. I know that she learned a lot from you, you taught her so much and it amazes me how much like a sponge she is. I assure you though that she is still a little pain in the butt when it comes to pooping in the potty, I’m sure my sister can attest to that, she gives us both grief in that front. I know that she will grow up to be smart and devoted, just like you!

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Alicia had her spring concert recently and she did amazing! I know that she would have loved to be more involved with the band this year but given the circumstances, she did what she could. Not to sell her short she did really great and I am proud of her.
On that note, your shy reserved and timid daughter was also in a play. Yeah, Alicia acted in front of people! I would have never guessed she would be involved in drama, but here she is on the brink of becoming an actor.
She still writes and does art which she gets better at every day. I see a lot of you in her. I see your sense of wonder and curiosity in her, I see things that could never be taught but only inherited. She is your daughter inside (in spirit) and outside (her ears).

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Katie, whoo, where do I even start with Katie? She has your personality, I mean I don’t think that I could have handled two of you at the same time. Yet I would have willingly done it if I had been given the chance.
She always amazes me with her creativity, and her eagerness to learn new things (as long as it’s what she wants to learn). She has switched over to the academy from homeschooling and she is unstoppable! She is poised to graduate next year! She is blowing through classes like no other!
I see your determination and fighting zeal in her every day. I have no worries that Katie will grow up to become whatever she wants to be. She is independent and self-motivated and I know she will do great things with her life.

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Zack, well what can I say about your son? He is no longer that little boy with the girly voice, he is pretty much a man now. Although I will always see him as an indecisive teen. Don’t let that fool you he is growing up into a very capable and determined young man.
He just graduated from the Tech Center and is set to graduate from high school in a few days.
Funny thing about Zack he got your sense of humor, and your ability to find amusement in things that others would overlook. He owes a lot to you, even if he doesn’t see it all right now, he is slowly learning all things you tried to instill in him.

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Derp, yes Derp. He is still hanging in there, a little less masculine than before, but still as ornery as ever.

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It’s funny as I write this, I realize that you not only left behind memories, you left behind a puzzle. Each one of your kids is a piece of you. You made it to where your kids would have to stay together in order to see you again. I’ve seen it first-hand today!
We went out on Mothers Day and spent the whole day playing pool. I swear I have not seen those kids get along and smile so much in a long time. It felt like you were there with us, as Zack and Katie went back and forth trading quips and laughing. As Alicia concentrated, determined to sink the ball. Rose climbing over all the chairs and under the table. Putting chalk on our sticks and her face, helping all of us with our shots, giggling and smiling the whole time.
It has been tough this last year, learning to deal with everything and trying to bring balance into our lives.
We have never once set forth to learn to live without you, that just isn’t possible, what we have done is learned to live for you and with you. We carry your memory with us and uphold your virtues. We strive to learn from your teaching as well as your mistakes, in order to show everyone that you are among us no matter what.
To say you are missing out on what is happening in our lives is a lie, I know you are there the only thing you are missing out on is the physical.
I do my best to take care of the gifts you have left me. I do what I can and hope that it is enough, although it is sometimes tough by myself, it is in you that I find the strength and will to protect, love, and nurture these kids!C14E412D-FF7A-4588-ADBA-95B24BE2B6BD.png

I want you to know that we Love You, Miss You, and Always Remember You.

Your kids have written there own word to express how they feel and I have included them here.

Zack,

“I miss you so much Mom. I graduate in a week and even though you aren’t here I know you are watching over me and all of us. I know that you are proud of me everyday. I’m glad that you are my guardian angel because I always stop from doing stupid things and I always know it’s you protecting me. I love you always and forever”

Katie,

“Mom,
Not a day goes by where I don’t think about you. We all miss you so much and wish you were still here with us. But I know you’re watching over us, making sure we don’t make a mistake. Everyone is doing so many things that you would be so proud of. I would give anything just to have one more conversation with you just to tell you that I love you one last time. Happy Mother’s Day Mom.”

Alicia,

“Every day I miss you Mom. It always hurts. But every day, minute, and second, the pain slowly goes away. I’m reminded of you every day in small things. The random shivers I have, even the way a person laughs. And I smile. I miss you, but I know you never left for one second.
Happy Mother’s Day”

The Enigma of Life

We all do it regardless of the reason.

Some people do it when nervous or just for fun.

Other do it when over joyed or stressed a ton.

Sometimes its short sometimes it long.

There are millions of reason for why it happens.

Sometimes we do it and end up clapping.

There are times when there’s just no stopping.

and we end up doing it till we’re sobbing.

When done in a group it might sound like hens.

It’s hard to fake and try to pretend.

It’s comforting, only when it’s genuine,

and better when shared among a group of friends.

It’s something that should be thought after.

Always thrilling and never lack luster.

This thing is hard to control and Master.

The thing I am talking about is Laughter!

via Daily Prompt: Laughter

Update

So I forgot to mention in my last post about something my four year old did. Which made me laugh.

There has been this random piece of trash on the stairs leading up to our floor. It has been there for almost the entirety of our occupancy thus far.

So my daughter likes to hold my hand as she makes her way up the stairs. Well the day in question I was in somewhat of a hurry and so I was rushing her along. She was moving pretty briskly for a toddler taking on stairs. I wasn’t paying to much attention to her cause she has climbed those stairs countless times before.

It wasn’t till we reached the trash on the stairs that I felt a jerk on my arm. It seems in an attempt to avoid stepping on this sticky piece of trash, my daughter chose to sacrifice herself to the dangers of falling. Putting all hope for her life on the precarious grip our hands shared. Luckily I had repositioned my grip moments before and managed to pull her 40 pound frame safely to the next step.

It was in that moment that I realized, my daughter was ready to die for her cause, no matter the outcome. I am not looking forward to her teenage years. This is going to be a hell of a ride!

Love is Blind

For the longest time I thought the old idiom “Love is blind” meant that you didn’t see imperfection in those you loved. It meant that you loved them for them, despite their looks, their race, or their flaws. That it would be vain to choose someone based on those merits because everyone deserved to be loved and that personality and attitude could overcome physical features.

Over the years I’ve learned that, that is not the case at all. My interpretation is not the true meaning of the idiom. After being in multiple relationships and seeing my friends in relationships, some good and some bad, for both, I’ve learned a few things.

Sometimes we want a relationship so bad that we overlook red flags, warning signs and friends advice. We see a perfect relationship without faults, in our mind everything is copasetic. We harmonize with our partner and things couldn’t be better. It’s not till it’s to late that we start to see how toxic the relationship is. We can finally lift the cull and see the duality of the relationship.

Our friends might try to intervene, in an attempt to help, but we ignore it, because we are blinded by love. An ailment that we can do nothing for, “just let it run it’s course”. Having been on both sides of this phenomena, I can attest to the pain felt from both sides. As the person in the relationship, it is usually to late before you realize that there was even a problem.

On the other side of the spectrum, as a friend having to watch it happen, you can’t help but almost mourn for your friend going through it. You wish they would heed your advice about the relationship. You would give anything for them to see that you are only trying to help. Sometimes they may see it as a selfish attempt, by you the friends, to take up their time.

Of course as friends we must learn to respect that we will not always get to spend time with those we love due to insurmountable circumstances. Be it work, school, love interests or scheduling. We must learn to enjoy and make the most of the limited amount of time we get together. Creating memories instead of rehashing conversations about past mistakes. In  friendships I find that sometimes we must let the past die before we people will prove that they have changed.

Abuse, manipulation, and irrational behavior are all signs of blind love. In certain situation a person can try to justify behavior that maybe illicit, unable to distinguished between right and wrong.

Blind love isn’t always a bad thing in some cases blind love can be beautiful. Being able to transcend race, age, handicap, and flaws, being the purest form of unconditional love. In these cases blind love is actually a beautiful thing. But learning to differentiate between the wrong and right kind of blind love can be difficult for most. To say that we have not all been blinded at one point would be a lie. So maybe we need to take a step back and agree to only step in when we feel our friends are the most vulnerable. On the flip side we should also agree to take a moment to consider where are friends are coming from, when they decide to confront us about our situation in a relationship.

Love, each other and except that we all make mistakes. We must be ready at any moment to help each other out and pick each other up! Friendship is something that we all need in our lives, to me friends where there before relationships and so they should be held in high regards when compared to the relationship.

As always, thank you my Committed Reader.

I hope you enjoyed this as much I as I enjoy writing it.

-EB

Muted Emotions

I put pen to pad and text to page.

But no matter what I say.

I can’t find the words to explain.

All the emotions, feelings, and rage!

Word after word and phrase after phrase.

It’s driving me crazy I’m going insane!

I write letters that become words

words that make sentences, to form a verse.

Yet the more I elaborate the more the meaning blurs.

I try and try but the more I write,

the more the meaning dies.

The explanation in my mind,

becomes outta reach and outta sight

You deserve an explanation,

And even with all my concentration

It’s on the tip of my tongue, like a flirtation.

An elaboration full of frustration.

I wish I could explain, the thoughts in my brain

Bound and chained, locked up and contained

A feeling that wont wane, my writing is in vain

I’m no longer sane, thanks to all of this strain.

How do I do it, how do I get through it?

My speech, writing and movements aren’t fluid.

I feel stupid, I guess I’m just not fluent.

In the language of emotion, I’m clueless.

And I can’t refute it, for now I must remain muted.

via Daily Prompt: Elaborate

Losers Club

I guess when they say Good comes from bad there is some truth in it. When I was faced with the worst situation possible I assumed the worse. I would never have guessed that an attempt to clear my mind and distract myself would turn out to have an even better outcome. I would not have made it through the majority of the struggles I’ve been through if it hadn’t been for my best friends!

Caleb

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Caleb was there for a little over half a year when everything happened. The way we became best friends is a crazy story on its own! We have our moments and our ups and downs, but what friends don’t? He has put up with a lot thanks to me, from crazy road trips to strong displays of affection.

We have both been through hell in our lives, and if there was ever an instance of iron sharpening iron this is it! I’m here for you bro and I know that the feeling in mutual, no question about it!

I can’t believe we have only been friends for just under a year and a half! Feels like we’ve been at it for decades! I can’t wait to see what comes next in our lives, But I’m sure with you as my best friend there is nothing that could stop us!

Selena

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I will be honest about Selena, I was just gonna write “Crazy” and move on to Kelly. Honestly, I remember the first time Caleb mentioned Selena, I think the first thing outta my mouth was “who the f*ck is that?” Honestly, when I first met Selena I thought she was annoying! Yet the more I got to know her the more she grew on me.

I mean how bad could someone that shares the same birthday be?

In the short time that I have known Selena, I’ve learned a lot about her! For starters, I know I wasn’t as strong and determined when I was her age. I’ve seen this girl breakdown talk it out and conquer her problems. Taking on hurdle after hurdle, this girl is non-stop. She is always ready to hang out with her friends no matter the time or place.

Selena is the definition of what a true friend is! There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her (even breaking into her house for her). We have had a lot of fun and I know we will continue to! I love you Selena!

Kelly

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Kelly is the one we have to watch out for the most, you know what they say “it’s the quiet ones”. I kid, although, Kelly is pretty quiet and conservative, she is also very caring, compassionate, and loyal. When I met Kelly I didn’t know what to think, I just knew that I needed to talk to her. Turns out my instinct was right!

Kelly reminds me of a song by Krayzie Bone “just because Krayzie quiet speak less. Don’t be mistaking my kindness for weakness. Humble but ready to rumble” She is pretty easy going but f*ck with her and see what happens! Lol. She is also pretty open to new experiences. She may seem quiet but once you get her started she is capable of some very deep and profound conversation! She is very supportive of her friends. P.S. Kelly is also a gamer!

I can’t even begin to explain the role that Kelly played, while I was trying to cope with my situation and deal with my emotions. I have to say thank you for putting up with it and helping me through that! I’m excited for the future and can’t wait to see where the rest of the club and us end up! I love you, and thank you!

Friends

I know that I have done quite a few post relating to friendship and I guess that is just my mood lately. Friendship means a lot to me, I would trade riches for experiences with my friends, memories are worth more than material things to me. These three prove that, I don’t know where I would have ended up if I didn’t have them in my life.

Don’t get me wrong there were others that helped me through my struggles in their own way, and I am grateful to them. I love everyone that is apart of my life, and I mean no disrespect to those I didn’t mention.

As for whether this is my last friendship post? Don’t count on it I’m sure these Losers will give me more to write about!

Friendship Bestowed

You all came in when I need you most.

And kept me from losing all hope.

A lucky encounter; or insane plan?

That brought together four crazy friends.

All with problems no one understands.

When we get together we take command.

We help each other through thick and thin.

No matter where we go or where we’ve been.

We’re no friends for rent, or a passing trend.

Cause this crew doesn’t play pretend!

A bunch of losers in a club!

But we ain’t no scrubs.

Say what you want but we’re still on top.

Cause every bodies knows we’re non-stop!

via Daily Prompt: Bestow

Loyal Friends

Customer Loyalty Delusion

It is a well received notion in the business industry that aggressive marketing and advertising is number one when it comes to growth and revenue. New consumers are the life blood of a business, but at the same times innovation and costumer loyalty are just as important. Showing old customers that your business can adapt to meet there needs is the best way to bringing them back.

Business 101, Advertise, advertise, advertise! Most stores and businesses want to gain new and old customers alike, going as far as spending tons of money on ads. The problem with that is that in the process of gaining new costumers and reacquiring old ones, companies loose sight of the Loyal Customer.

Loyal Customers (LC) are the ones who never waver, they are committed and understanding. LC’s are the ones who will also attract more costumers, just because they love your company.

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So lets be honest. Do companies really care about their LC’s or do they only care about their new customers?

  • First, Companies focus on ads aimed at new customers.
  • Second, They spend a lot of money on those ads.
  • Third, all the “sales” they have are not for the LC’s, they are a vague gimmick used by companies to allow their LC’s to help recruit potential customers.

It’s a sick system when new customers get a great discount or a lower monthly payment and yet the LC gets nothing. Why? Because they aren’t going anywhere? If the only time companies worry about there costumers is when they want new ones or they are about to loose old ones. Is that really best practice?

Friendship Delusion

Now if we juxtapose our lives with a business model, will we find that we treat our Loyal Friends better than companies treat their LC’s? I’m not saying that we spend multiple k’s a year trying to aggressively target new friends through ads. (Although I guess you could, and I’m sure people due on craigslist, or is that prosti… Never mind back to the topic). By all means I am also not saying you shouldn’t invest time in trying to mend friendships that have gone astray either.

The difference between life and business is that one has you spending money to better it and the other has you spending Time. How much time are you willing to spend on mending a friendship or finding a new one? How much time do we actually spend making our loyal friends feel important?

New friends and old friends are important, but don’t alienate your loyal friends. Loyal friends that took you lots of time to develop, to bond with, and to become close. These are the friends that deserve a little more time and effort. We can’t treat loyal friends like a pair of shoes, we can’t just pick and choose which friend we hang out with like they are interchangeable.

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Show them how much they mean to you, spend a little more Time and Effort with them. Loyal friends are the ones that will guide you through the rest of your life, through thick and thin. So don’t treat them like some kind of friend for rent.

In Closing

What did we learn? Loyalty is worth so much more than we value it. The time we invest in it is just as valuable. Even if those Loyal Friends are a bunch of losers you randomly went with to see a movie. Now they are your Losers and they should be treated as such.

I thank you for your time My Committed Reader.

I look forward to the next time we get to do this again.

-EB

via Daily Prompt: Vague

Try

Today I’ve decided to change it up a bit. Usually I would write some motivational blog (at least I hope they are motivational) or a poem of some sort but not today. Today is different day, it’s Sunday the day that most people spend in church, or visiting family, or even spending time with friends.

I want to issue a challenge to my Committed Readers today. I say go out there and try something new. I’m not saying go hoe on a plain and jump out of it! Although if you do please put it in the comments cause that’s something I want to hear about immediately!

For everyone else who is more “down to earth” I say step outta your comfort zone just a hair. Meet someone new, try a new restaurant, play a new game, visit family you usually don’t see, write in a new genre (if your a writer), or watch a new show. It doesn’t matter how crazy or how mild the new thing is, just try!

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Maybe you wanna do something all your friends do but you haven’t. Maybe you wanna go play a game of basketball, or try some softball. Hell go for a run or a hike. Take a small road trip. It is up to you all you need to do is partake.

I would love to hear about what you tried and did today. Maybe whatever you choose to do today will help invigorate you for the start of the work week. I mean if you can try something new than there is no reason you can’t handle the mundane and repetitiveness of the rest of the week!

So go out there and try, partake, and experience. Start your week off right. I believe in you my Committed Reader!

via Daily Prompt: Partake