Three Little Words

Is it too early

Or am I too late

Should I hurry

Or maybe wait?

How will I know

Is there a sign

Will I get a note?

Is it almost time?

I think I’m ready

Is it now or never?

This is too scary

It feels like forever

I’m tired of waiting

Maybe I’ll say it

There’s no abating

Okay forget it

I’m too nervous

But I’m also excited

My mind is a circus

I’m a little frightened

It’s really very simple

But timing is key

It’s also difficult

But it will set me free

I hold my breath

I’m waiting for the moment

Here is my chance

I hope I don’t blow it.

Ready or not it’s coming

My heart is beating fast

I feel like I’m running

I want this to last

So I say this here

And I say it loud

I want you to hear

That I am proud

I mean this in every way

And I promise it’s true

So believe me when I say

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Butterflies!

One kiss on the lips and away I slip.

My heart beat quickens and I lose grip.

We dance into a crowd and we are lost.

In an instant we forget, and now it’s just us.

An embrace that pushes everything away!

No fears or worries. no knowledge of pain.

We become one in a sea of many.

And for a moment that is plenty.

We come back to a reality that is now less gloomy.

A reality with new colors, life and beauty.

And when I reminisce about that night.

It feels as if butterflies are taking flight.

My body fills with a sense of euphoria.

So strong that I can feel it begin to gnaw.

The only thing that can make it subside.

Is know that you will come back to my side.

 

My desire.

A spark waiting to reignite.

Love that seemed outta sight.

A feeling worth the fight.

Yet slowly losing height.

I was on the verge of quitting.

No longer worried about meeting.

The one that would give me meaning.

And always care about my feelings.

But a single light, in the distance shown.

And suddenly I, didn’t feel so alone.

My heart no longer roams.

Because it has found a new home.

You came out of nowhere.

Now life is easier to bare.

So my love i do swear.

To the one that will always be there.

You re-lit my flame.

You’ve wiped all the pain.

Now my life will never be the same.

Cause you are the one that I claim.

To express how I feel.

Is just so surreal.

Losing you isn’t part of the deal.

Cause my love for you is so real.

I love you more everyday.

And that love will never stray.

But stay true to you till my dying day.

Cause I know our love will never fade.

Dear Angela,

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Yesterday was Mothers Day, I went and spent some time with Liam. He fills me with an emotion that I can’t even begin to define. Love, pride, woe and happiness, all wrapped in one.

He is getting so big, and he is the happiest baby I have ever seen! I joked with Zack about how big his ears are (something that he got from you) they stick out so much. I’m afraid that he might just take off in the Oklahoma wind.

I’m glad that you did at least get to see him before the end, but I wish you could have held him at least once. You both deserved to have felt each other, even if for a moment. I promise that he will know how great of a mother you were and how much you wanted him in our lives.

I know that he will see a lot of you in his siblings and he will see the work you did to raise them, and care for them.

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Rose is growing up way to fast and I have to except that no matter how much I try I can’t stop her. She is the smartest 4-year-old ever. She just graduated from daycare, you would have been so proud of her! I can just picture the look on your face if you had seen her in her little cap and gown. I know that she learned a lot from you, you taught her so much and it amazes me how much like a sponge she is. I assure you though that she is still a little pain in the butt when it comes to pooping in the potty, I’m sure my sister can attest to that, she gives us both grief in that front. I know that she will grow up to be smart and devoted, just like you!

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Alicia had her spring concert recently and she did amazing! I know that she would have loved to be more involved with the band this year but given the circumstances, she did what she could. Not to sell her short she did really great and I am proud of her.
On that note, your shy reserved and timid daughter was also in a play. Yeah, Alicia acted in front of people! I would have never guessed she would be involved in drama, but here she is on the brink of becoming an actor.
She still writes and does art which she gets better at every day. I see a lot of you in her. I see your sense of wonder and curiosity in her, I see things that could never be taught but only inherited. She is your daughter inside (in spirit) and outside (her ears).

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Katie, whoo, where do I even start with Katie? She has your personality, I mean I don’t think that I could have handled two of you at the same time. Yet I would have willingly done it if I had been given the chance.
She always amazes me with her creativity, and her eagerness to learn new things (as long as it’s what she wants to learn). She has switched over to the academy from homeschooling and she is unstoppable! She is poised to graduate next year! She is blowing through classes like no other!
I see your determination and fighting zeal in her every day. I have no worries that Katie will grow up to become whatever she wants to be. She is independent and self-motivated and I know she will do great things with her life.

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Zack, well what can I say about your son? He is no longer that little boy with the girly voice, he is pretty much a man now. Although I will always see him as an indecisive teen. Don’t let that fool you he is growing up into a very capable and determined young man.
He just graduated from the Tech Center and is set to graduate from high school in a few days.
Funny thing about Zack he got your sense of humor, and your ability to find amusement in things that others would overlook. He owes a lot to you, even if he doesn’t see it all right now, he is slowly learning all things you tried to instill in him.

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Derp, yes Derp. He is still hanging in there, a little less masculine than before, but still as ornery as ever.

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It’s funny as I write this, I realize that you not only left behind memories, you left behind a puzzle. Each one of your kids is a piece of you. You made it to where your kids would have to stay together in order to see you again. I’ve seen it first-hand today!
We went out on Mothers Day and spent the whole day playing pool. I swear I have not seen those kids get along and smile so much in a long time. It felt like you were there with us, as Zack and Katie went back and forth trading quips and laughing. As Alicia concentrated, determined to sink the ball. Rose climbing over all the chairs and under the table. Putting chalk on our sticks and her face, helping all of us with our shots, giggling and smiling the whole time.
It has been tough this last year, learning to deal with everything and trying to bring balance into our lives.
We have never once set forth to learn to live without you, that just isn’t possible, what we have done is learned to live for you and with you. We carry your memory with us and uphold your virtues. We strive to learn from your teaching as well as your mistakes, in order to show everyone that you are among us no matter what.
To say you are missing out on what is happening in our lives is a lie, I know you are there the only thing you are missing out on is the physical.
I do my best to take care of the gifts you have left me. I do what I can and hope that it is enough, although it is sometimes tough by myself, it is in you that I find the strength and will to protect, love, and nurture these kids!C14E412D-FF7A-4588-ADBA-95B24BE2B6BD.png

I want you to know that we Love You, Miss You, and Always Remember You.

Your kids have written there own word to express how they feel and I have included them here.

Zack,

“I miss you so much Mom. I graduate in a week and even though you aren’t here I know you are watching over me and all of us. I know that you are proud of me everyday. I’m glad that you are my guardian angel because I always stop from doing stupid things and I always know it’s you protecting me. I love you always and forever”

Katie,

“Mom,
Not a day goes by where I don’t think about you. We all miss you so much and wish you were still here with us. But I know you’re watching over us, making sure we don’t make a mistake. Everyone is doing so many things that you would be so proud of. I would give anything just to have one more conversation with you just to tell you that I love you one last time. Happy Mother’s Day Mom.”

Alicia,

“Every day I miss you Mom. It always hurts. But every day, minute, and second, the pain slowly goes away. I’m reminded of you every day in small things. The random shivers I have, even the way a person laughs. And I smile. I miss you, but I know you never left for one second.
Happy Mother’s Day”

Music Is Life

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Music has a way to affect mood, emotion, and feelings in people in many different ways. Some people listen to music to get hype, others listen to it in order to put themselves in a mood, and still others listen to just enjoy it. Regardless of the reason everyone listens to music, even the deaf can feel the power of music through vibrations. Music affects everyone, we all have a favorite song or a list of song that become our go to in times of different emotion situation.

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Music is a universal thing, a song that your friends might make fun of you for enjoy, could in fact be a No. 1 hit in a country halfway around the world. We love to think that we are the ones who discovered that unheard of band, but the reality, which is actually pretty amazing, is that 100’s of 1000’s of people all found this band at the same time and there for in a weird way, all those people are connected through the universal language of music. For a minute those 100’s of 1000’s of people all feel the exact same feeling, over the idea that they were the first. That is why we get so upset when those secret gems become world wide hits. Because in a way we feel like we deserve credit or that they were there just for us.

Music has had many different influences in many lives. It’s been known to have curative properties, it’s been known to help stimulate different aspect of living organisms, music can even make our point of view skewed. Where would we be without music, and how would we ever make it through long car rides, showers, or get hyped in the gym without it?

musicSo here is the way I am going to end my monologue on music. I ask you my Committed Reader, what is your current jam? What song (or group of songs) do you currently play all the time right now? Share it with me, I would love to even here the story behind why that song/s mean so much to you! Who knows, I may find my new favorite song because of you.

 

The Enigma of Life

We all do it regardless of the reason.

Some people do it when nervous or just for fun.

Other do it when over joyed or stressed a ton.

Sometimes its short sometimes it long.

There are millions of reason for why it happens.

Sometimes we do it and end up clapping.

There are times when there’s just no stopping.

and we end up doing it till we’re sobbing.

When done in a group it might sound like hens.

It’s hard to fake and try to pretend.

It’s comforting, only when it’s genuine,

and better when shared among a group of friends.

It’s something that should be thought after.

Always thrilling and never lack luster.

This thing is hard to control and Master.

The thing I am talking about is Laughter!

via Daily Prompt: Laughter

Update

So I forgot to mention in my last post about something my four year old did. Which made me laugh.

There has been this random piece of trash on the stairs leading up to our floor. It has been there for almost the entirety of our occupancy thus far.

So my daughter likes to hold my hand as she makes her way up the stairs. Well the day in question I was in somewhat of a hurry and so I was rushing her along. She was moving pretty briskly for a toddler taking on stairs. I wasn’t paying to much attention to her cause she has climbed those stairs countless times before.

It wasn’t till we reached the trash on the stairs that I felt a jerk on my arm. It seems in an attempt to avoid stepping on this sticky piece of trash, my daughter chose to sacrifice herself to the dangers of falling. Putting all hope for her life on the precarious grip our hands shared. Luckily I had repositioned my grip moments before and managed to pull her 40 pound frame safely to the next step.

It was in that moment that I realized, my daughter was ready to die for her cause, no matter the outcome. I am not looking forward to her teenage years. This is going to be a hell of a ride!

Muted Emotions

I put pen to pad and text to page.

But no matter what I say.

I can’t find the words to explain.

All the emotions, feelings, and rage!

Word after word and phrase after phrase.

It’s driving me crazy I’m going insane!

I write letters that become words

words that make sentences, to form a verse.

Yet the more I elaborate the more the meaning blurs.

I try and try but the more I write,

the more the meaning dies.

The explanation in my mind,

becomes outta reach and outta sight

You deserve an explanation,

And even with all my concentration

It’s on the tip of my tongue, like a flirtation.

An elaboration full of frustration.

I wish I could explain, the thoughts in my brain

Bound and chained, locked up and contained

A feeling that wont wane, my writing is in vain

I’m no longer sane, thanks to all of this strain.

How do I do it, how do I get through it?

My speech, writing and movements aren’t fluid.

I feel stupid, I guess I’m just not fluent.

In the language of emotion, I’m clueless.

And I can’t refute it, for now I must remain muted.

via Daily Prompt: Elaborate

Point Pleasant: Enumeration

Part One

This is an excerpt from the diary of Lars Holden, a resident of the town of Point Pleasant. I found this diary along with a set of books cataloging all the strange and occult events that have happened in this town. Lars also managed to catalog a number of strange entities that are found in Point Pleasant.

I must admit upon finding all this info, I thought it to be some kind of silly idea for a book. I’ve come across a few of these abominations, a few of which I would not have escaped had it not been for Lars.

-T. Reynolds

 

Aug. 23, 2010. A conversation between Lars and a friend would be a defining moment for the two friends.

“When did it all go wrong?” Lars asked looking at Phil.

“What do you mean?” Phil questioned as he passed his bottle of water to Lars.

“This town hasn’t been the same since that pit opened up and swallowed Rabbit Thompson’s house.” Lars said taking a sip from the water that was just handed to him.

“I guess it’s because we understand.” Phil replied.

“Understand?” Lars asked.

“Well yeah, we realized that bad things could happen and we had no one to shield us from it any more. When we were younger we didn’t exactly sit and watch the news. So now that we are older we understand.” Lars nodded his head, Phil could tell Lars understood. “Now every time something bad happens we are aware. We don’t have a cull over our eyes anymore.”

“Huh, I never thought of it like that before.” Lars said with new understanding.

“Still you are right, this town is not normal.” Phil agreed. “I mean why do we have curfews based on the cycles of the moon?”

“More importantly, why doesn’t anyone question it! We live in a town full of mysterious events and questionable leaders and no one is the least bit concerned!” Lars said.

“We are told stories of urban legends, things like little trolls roaming the forest, rolling heads that love eating human flesh, and an entity that is only referred to as Him, who according to legend, keeps the peace between all the other monsters.” Phil added.

“I say we go!” Lars said.

“That’s all anyone can hope for is to leave this town, I’m with you.” Phil responded.

“No! I say we go to the woods, next time there is a full moon. We go out and see what all these legends are about.” Lars declared.

“I don’t know, if we get caught, we will be in a lot of trouble.” Phil said, he sounded scared.

“I want to know why we are not allowed out there! Maybe it’s time things changed in this town and we are the ones to do it!” Lars said.

“Alright, you know what I’m with your crazy ass!” Phil replied.

The events that followed after that night were the reason that I started these catalogs. People need to know what is happening in the town of Point Pleasant. The citizens of Point Pleasant have been in the dark for too long, I plan to change that.

If you are reading this, Than I am truly sorry. Now that you’ve started reading the Order will not longer consider you a Know-nothing. You are stuck in this town just like everyone else who knows.

The Order runs everything in Point Pleasant. If you are a resident than chances are you took the test, and you were not considered a Scholar, the Order has considered you one of the Black Balled.

When you are raised in this town you are required to take a test in the 8th grade. The test is to see if you are qualified to join the ranks of the Order and become a member known as a Scholar. If you failed the test than the Order does not see you as a threat and feel that you will not interfere in there work.

The thing is now that you are reading these text you know too much and the Order is going to be looking for you. The only hope you have to stop, reading and find a man named Wyatt, he works at the mechanic shop on the outskirt of town. When you find him he will ask you question.

“Are you in need of assistance?” Your reply to this question has to be as follows. “I have ascended.” He will walk away from you without saying a word. Follow him and he will lead to a safe house located [REDACTED]. Wyatt will be your only hope at this time.

If, for what ever reason you receive a purple envelope what ever you do, DO NOT OPEN IT. If your curiosity gets the best of you and you open it, it will direct you to the Masonic Lodge for a meeting, IGNORE IT.

Find Kyle at all costs!

Best of luck,

Lars

Losers Club

I guess when they say Good comes from bad there is some truth in it. When I was faced with the worst situation possible I assumed the worse. I would never have guessed that an attempt to clear my mind and distract myself would turn out to have an even better outcome. I would not have made it through the majority of the struggles I’ve been through if it hadn’t been for my best friends!

Caleb

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Caleb was there for a little over half a year when everything happened. The way we became best friends is a crazy story on its own! We have our moments and our ups and downs, but what friends don’t? He has put up with a lot thanks to me, from crazy road trips to strong displays of affection.

We have both been through hell in our lives, and if there was ever an instance of iron sharpening iron this is it! I’m here for you bro and I know that the feeling in mutual, no question about it!

I can’t believe we have only been friends for just under a year and a half! Feels like we’ve been at it for decades! I can’t wait to see what comes next in our lives, But I’m sure with you as my best friend there is nothing that could stop us!

Selena

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I will be honest about Selena, I was just gonna write “Crazy” and move on to Kelly. Honestly, I remember the first time Caleb mentioned Selena, I think the first thing outta my mouth was “who the f*ck is that?” Honestly, when I first met Selena I thought she was annoying! Yet the more I got to know her the more she grew on me.

I mean how bad could someone that shares the same birthday be?

In the short time that I have known Selena, I’ve learned a lot about her! For starters, I know I wasn’t as strong and determined when I was her age. I’ve seen this girl breakdown talk it out and conquer her problems. Taking on hurdle after hurdle, this girl is non-stop. She is always ready to hang out with her friends no matter the time or place.

Selena is the definition of what a true friend is! There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her (even breaking into her house for her). We have had a lot of fun and I know we will continue to! I love you Selena!

Kelly

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Kelly is the one we have to watch out for the most, you know what they say “it’s the quiet ones”. I kid, although, Kelly is pretty quiet and conservative, she is also very caring, compassionate, and loyal. When I met Kelly I didn’t know what to think, I just knew that I needed to talk to her. Turns out my instinct was right!

Kelly reminds me of a song by Krayzie Bone “just because Krayzie quiet speak less. Don’t be mistaking my kindness for weakness. Humble but ready to rumble” She is pretty easy going but f*ck with her and see what happens! Lol. She is also pretty open to new experiences. She may seem quiet but once you get her started she is capable of some very deep and profound conversation! She is very supportive of her friends. P.S. Kelly is also a gamer!

I can’t even begin to explain the role that Kelly played, while I was trying to cope with my situation and deal with my emotions. I have to say thank you for putting up with it and helping me through that! I’m excited for the future and can’t wait to see where the rest of the club and us end up! I love you, and thank you!

Friends

I know that I have done quite a few post relating to friendship and I guess that is just my mood lately. Friendship means a lot to me, I would trade riches for experiences with my friends, memories are worth more than material things to me. These three prove that, I don’t know where I would have ended up if I didn’t have them in my life.

Don’t get me wrong there were others that helped me through my struggles in their own way, and I am grateful to them. I love everyone that is apart of my life, and I mean no disrespect to those I didn’t mention.

As for whether this is my last friendship post? Don’t count on it I’m sure these Losers will give me more to write about!