Butterflies!

One kiss on the lips and away I slip.

My heart beat quickens and I lose grip.

We dance into a crowd and we are lost.

In an instant we forget, and now it’s just us.

An embrace that pushes everything away!

No fears or worries. no knowledge of pain.

We become one in a sea of many.

And for a moment that is plenty.

We come back to a reality that is now less gloomy.

A reality with new colors, life and beauty.

And when I reminisce about that night.

It feels as if butterflies are taking flight.

My body fills with a sense of euphoria.

So strong that I can feel it begin to gnaw.

The only thing that can make it subside.

Is know that you will come back to my side.

 

Recluse

I’m as muted in truth as I am in emotion.

Frozen in a world where love is devotion.

Unable to grasp the concept or the notion.

For me to find love I would need a potion.

I hid from the world alone and recluse.

Hoping to someday be able to break through.

I scramble to find love in the things that I do.

Because it terrifies me to try to find love in you.

Retweet

My World is changing,

rearranging,

as everything is fading,

no more values, just hating.

no more talking, just complaining

Hard work is cheap, no more straining

History likes to repeat,

and we don’t even see

we wont get to our feet

to busy trying to retweet

We could shatter like glass,

just like the past.

watch our lives pass,

wait for the crash.

if these days are the last,

then let’s have a blast!

Let our world be destroyed,

who gives a crap.

 

My Inner Thoughts

I feel so much hate, I’m forever enraged. In a fight for my fate that I have to engage in day after day. Until I can’t sustain, keeping score on the slate. Losing mate after mate, my minds in a haze and my life is a maze. Nothing pertains but everything is the same and I can’t keep myself sane, I want to break the chains, but I cant, to weak I have no strength. No energy my mind is in a glaze. I want it but I can’t chase. I’m infinitely unsure of every damn thing. Maybe it’s in my DNA and when you unravel the strain you can physically see the pain. It’s become engrained and it’s deep in my veins, and it’s infected my brain. My thoughts contain things I’ve pushed away, troubles and struggles that would amaze. I struggle to feign the fact that I strain and I pretend that in my own mind I reign. I should hold all the blame for the things that pertain to my name. I take aim at a claim that is fake and should be reclaimed. So tie me up and light the flame, so I can be rid of this shame, and be done with this game.

Toxic

You lookin through my shit
Click after click
I guess you can’t quit
Hitting that like button,
I know you can’t resist.

Double tap! Where do I start?
Always in a hurry to make a heart.
Looks like you’re trying for a restart
Long distance, lack of communication
You fell off and we drifted apart!

You’re sporadic message of attention
Are sending the wrong impression
Cause know its time for a secession
Trying to dangle me out on the line
But I’ve learned my lesson

This situation was to toxic
It was making me hypoxic
So truth be told I had to drop it
It was getting hard to breath
In a relationship that was counterfeit

The Truth I Know

Here you are.
And there you go.
You’re leaving fast.
When we started slow.

My heart is cracked.
And the glue won’t hold.
You won’t be back.
That’s the truth I know.

Here you are.
And there you go.
You’re leaving fast.
When we started slow.

We’ve been so far.
Through the highs and lows.
And we grew apart.
When we seemed real close.

Here we are.
And there you go.
And you won’t be back.
Yeah, this I know.

Losers Club

I guess when they say Good comes from bad there is some truth in it. When I was faced with the worst situation possible I assumed the worse. I would never have guessed that an attempt to clear my mind and distract myself would turn out to have an even better outcome. I would not have made it through the majority of the struggles I’ve been through if it hadn’t been for my best friends!

Caleb

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Caleb was there for a little over half a year when everything happened. The way we became best friends is a crazy story on its own! We have our moments and our ups and downs, but what friends don’t? He has put up with a lot thanks to me, from crazy road trips to strong displays of affection.

We have both been through hell in our lives, and if there was ever an instance of iron sharpening iron this is it! I’m here for you bro and I know that the feeling in mutual, no question about it!

I can’t believe we have only been friends for just under a year and a half! Feels like we’ve been at it for decades! I can’t wait to see what comes next in our lives, But I’m sure with you as my best friend there is nothing that could stop us!

Selena

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I will be honest about Selena, I was just gonna write “Crazy” and move on to Kelly. Honestly, I remember the first time Caleb mentioned Selena, I think the first thing outta my mouth was “who the f*ck is that?” Honestly, when I first met Selena I thought she was annoying! Yet the more I got to know her the more she grew on me.

I mean how bad could someone that shares the same birthday be?

In the short time that I have known Selena, I’ve learned a lot about her! For starters, I know I wasn’t as strong and determined when I was her age. I’ve seen this girl breakdown talk it out and conquer her problems. Taking on hurdle after hurdle, this girl is non-stop. She is always ready to hang out with her friends no matter the time or place.

Selena is the definition of what a true friend is! There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her (even breaking into her house for her). We have had a lot of fun and I know we will continue to! I love you Selena!

Kelly

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Kelly is the one we have to watch out for the most, you know what they say “it’s the quiet ones”. I kid, although, Kelly is pretty quiet and conservative, she is also very caring, compassionate, and loyal. When I met Kelly I didn’t know what to think, I just knew that I needed to talk to her. Turns out my instinct was right!

Kelly reminds me of a song by Krayzie Bone “just because Krayzie quiet speak less. Don’t be mistaking my kindness for weakness. Humble but ready to rumble” She is pretty easy going but f*ck with her and see what happens! Lol. She is also pretty open to new experiences. She may seem quiet but once you get her started she is capable of some very deep and profound conversation! She is very supportive of her friends. P.S. Kelly is also a gamer!

I can’t even begin to explain the role that Kelly played, while I was trying to cope with my situation and deal with my emotions. I have to say thank you for putting up with it and helping me through that! I’m excited for the future and can’t wait to see where the rest of the club and us end up! I love you, and thank you!

Friends

I know that I have done quite a few post relating to friendship and I guess that is just my mood lately. Friendship means a lot to me, I would trade riches for experiences with my friends, memories are worth more than material things to me. These three prove that, I don’t know where I would have ended up if I didn’t have them in my life.

Don’t get me wrong there were others that helped me through my struggles in their own way, and I am grateful to them. I love everyone that is apart of my life, and I mean no disrespect to those I didn’t mention.

As for whether this is my last friendship post? Don’t count on it I’m sure these Losers will give me more to write about!

A Man Outta Place

ALEXANDER HAMILTON TO JOHN LAURENS

[April, 1779]

“Cold in my professions – warm in my friendships – I wish, my Dear Laurens, it were in my power, by actions rather than words, to convince you that I love you. I shall only tell you that ’till you bade us Adieu, I hardly knew the value you had taught my heart to set upon you.”

-A Hamilton

Hamilton and Laurens

The relationship between the Founding Father Alexander Hamilton and Lieutenant Colonel John Laurens was a very close one. A friendship that bordered upon romantic relations. A fine line that Hamilton liked to play with in his letters to Laurens.

The idea of a Founding Father being consider homosexual is a bit of a controversy in its self. No one wants to think that such a great scholar, writer, and war vet would also have homosexual tendencies. This is especially true today, in a world where love is expected to be hetero and any idea of mixing the lines would be derogative and unconstitutional.

Alexander Hamilton, was known for writing with such conviction and honesty that he struggled to maintain any form of ambiguity. Yet that same conviction and honesty, is what made Alexander a force to be reckoned with. I could outline the number of letters, addresses and essays he wrote but that has already been done. The truth is that the more I study about Alexander Hamilton the more fascinating and intriguing his life becomes.

It is believed that the homoerotic tendencies came from Alexander more than Laurens. Their friendship was not up for questioning but their homosexual relation is. Some believe that it was an attempt by Hamilton to bring Laurens into the light of scandal and bring the scion down to the level of the orphan bastard. Still other claim that Hamilton’s feelings were real, proof being in how long it took him to tell Laurens about his engagement to Miss Schuyler. Alexander also spoke of Elisabeth as more of a simple suitor than a true romantic relation, going as far as to assure Laurens that he will still be as devoted to him after matrimony as he is now.

“She is a good hearted girl who I am sure will never play the termagant; though not a genius she has good sense enough to be agreeable, and though not a beauty, she has fine black eyes – is rather handsome and has every other requisite of the exterior to make a lover happy.”

-A Hamilton to J Laurens

Truth of Myth

So I leave it up to you, to decide what your opinion is of the “Ten Dollar Founding Father”. To me I find it interesting and could probably go on for some time writing about Hamilton and Laurens, but for the sake brevity and conciseness I leave you with both my opinion and the more important facts about this topic.

I believe that Hamilton did was by todays standards bisexual and that even marriage did not detour him from such feelings.

I challenge you my Committed Reader, to do your own research into what other mysteries lie in hiding in our history. As you may know our government has done more than it’s share of hiding facts from the public. I would love to hear of other such things in our history that may come across!