Dear Angela,

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Yesterday was Mothers Day, I went and spent some time with Liam. He fills me with an emotion that I can’t even begin to define. Love, pride, woe and happiness, all wrapped in one.

He is getting so big, and he is the happiest baby I have ever seen! I joked with Zack about how big his ears are (something that he got from you) they stick out so much. I’m afraid that he might just take off in the Oklahoma wind.

I’m glad that you did at least get to see him before the end, but I wish you could have held him at least once. You both deserved to have felt each other, even if for a moment. I promise that he will know how great of a mother you were and how much you wanted him in our lives.

I know that he will see a lot of you in his siblings and he will see the work you did to raise them, and care for them.

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Rose is growing up way to fast and I have to except that no matter how much I try I can’t stop her. She is the smartest 4-year-old ever. She just graduated from daycare, you would have been so proud of her! I can just picture the look on your face if you had seen her in her little cap and gown. I know that she learned a lot from you, you taught her so much and it amazes me how much like a sponge she is. I assure you though that she is still a little pain in the butt when it comes to pooping in the potty, I’m sure my sister can attest to that, she gives us both grief in that front. I know that she will grow up to be smart and devoted, just like you!

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Alicia had her spring concert recently and she did amazing! I know that she would have loved to be more involved with the band this year but given the circumstances, she did what she could. Not to sell her short she did really great and I am proud of her.
On that note, your shy reserved and timid daughter was also in a play. Yeah, Alicia acted in front of people! I would have never guessed she would be involved in drama, but here she is on the brink of becoming an actor.
She still writes and does art which she gets better at every day. I see a lot of you in her. I see your sense of wonder and curiosity in her, I see things that could never be taught but only inherited. She is your daughter inside (in spirit) and outside (her ears).

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Katie, whoo, where do I even start with Katie? She has your personality, I mean I don’t think that I could have handled two of you at the same time. Yet I would have willingly done it if I had been given the chance.
She always amazes me with her creativity, and her eagerness to learn new things (as long as it’s what she wants to learn). She has switched over to the academy from homeschooling and she is unstoppable! She is poised to graduate next year! She is blowing through classes like no other!
I see your determination and fighting zeal in her every day. I have no worries that Katie will grow up to become whatever she wants to be. She is independent and self-motivated and I know she will do great things with her life.

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Zack, well what can I say about your son? He is no longer that little boy with the girly voice, he is pretty much a man now. Although I will always see him as an indecisive teen. Don’t let that fool you he is growing up into a very capable and determined young man.
He just graduated from the Tech Center and is set to graduate from high school in a few days.
Funny thing about Zack he got your sense of humor, and your ability to find amusement in things that others would overlook. He owes a lot to you, even if he doesn’t see it all right now, he is slowly learning all things you tried to instill in him.

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Derp, yes Derp. He is still hanging in there, a little less masculine than before, but still as ornery as ever.

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It’s funny as I write this, I realize that you not only left behind memories, you left behind a puzzle. Each one of your kids is a piece of you. You made it to where your kids would have to stay together in order to see you again. I’ve seen it first-hand today!
We went out on Mothers Day and spent the whole day playing pool. I swear I have not seen those kids get along and smile so much in a long time. It felt like you were there with us, as Zack and Katie went back and forth trading quips and laughing. As Alicia concentrated, determined to sink the ball. Rose climbing over all the chairs and under the table. Putting chalk on our sticks and her face, helping all of us with our shots, giggling and smiling the whole time.
It has been tough this last year, learning to deal with everything and trying to bring balance into our lives.
We have never once set forth to learn to live without you, that just isn’t possible, what we have done is learned to live for you and with you. We carry your memory with us and uphold your virtues. We strive to learn from your teaching as well as your mistakes, in order to show everyone that you are among us no matter what.
To say you are missing out on what is happening in our lives is a lie, I know you are there the only thing you are missing out on is the physical.
I do my best to take care of the gifts you have left me. I do what I can and hope that it is enough, although it is sometimes tough by myself, it is in you that I find the strength and will to protect, love, and nurture these kids!C14E412D-FF7A-4588-ADBA-95B24BE2B6BD.png

I want you to know that we Love You, Miss You, and Always Remember You.

Your kids have written there own word to express how they feel and I have included them here.

Zack,

“I miss you so much Mom. I graduate in a week and even though you aren’t here I know you are watching over me and all of us. I know that you are proud of me everyday. I’m glad that you are my guardian angel because I always stop from doing stupid things and I always know it’s you protecting me. I love you always and forever”

Katie,

“Mom,
Not a day goes by where I don’t think about you. We all miss you so much and wish you were still here with us. But I know you’re watching over us, making sure we don’t make a mistake. Everyone is doing so many things that you would be so proud of. I would give anything just to have one more conversation with you just to tell you that I love you one last time. Happy Mother’s Day Mom.”

Alicia,

“Every day I miss you Mom. It always hurts. But every day, minute, and second, the pain slowly goes away. I’m reminded of you every day in small things. The random shivers I have, even the way a person laughs. And I smile. I miss you, but I know you never left for one second.
Happy Mother’s Day”

Froth: Love Incarnate.

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We are like the sea and the land, the beach and the water colliding. Agitating one another, with a passionate friction, the ebb and tide creating a luminescent glow that only we knew about. We belong by each other but not with each other. You are meant for things I could never imagine and I, the same in your eyes.

I wish that we could be as the ponds or the lakes. The land holding the water, surrounding it and letting it erode parts away. Till the water is comfortable and free yet protected.

At last that can not be us, for you the sea are to much to tame an entity all it’s self, free and unpredictable. Yet calm, cool, and tranquil when needed.

And I the land, although I am very important for life, I sometimes wish to be set free! To rumble and crack, having you fill every crevice of my being! To feel the tsunamis of your love crash against my shores, in euphoric ecstasy. The ebb and tide of your waves moving across my beach with such pleasure that we can’t help but froth!

Yet it can not be, for we are too important in our own worlds and to our own creatures! We found our niche and that is were we belong, but to say I have forgotten what we had or what we once were would be ridiculous. The memories of what created, what we now are, will forever be ingrained in my life.

A super continent and massive body of water inchoate in life. We started young and have come so far. So it is, that we must learn to coexist together without sabotaging what we’ve accomplished.

via Daily Prompt: Froth

Put a Rush On It

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Everyone lives their life in a rush. How soon can I get this, how quickly can I have that. It’s a time when everyone want’s everything handed to them, and they want it done posthaste. I’ve even been guilty of doing it. We can’t seem to wait for things anymore. For instance if I order something online I want the option for two day delivery or even over night. In my mind I can’t afford to wait four to five days for it to come in through standard shipping. When we have our mind set of something that we want than everything else doesn’t matter at all.

We go outta our way to get the thing we desire most asap. Despite the fact that Wednesday is the least busiest day of the week, why would we want to wait or mind is made up and it has to be done now! I have time between work and class or I could go on my lunch and do it. The bad part is that’s the adult mentality.

The youth have picked up on  this rush mentality from us. The main difference is that youth can’t always do stuff for themselves to accomplish what they want. Lord help the parents whos kids demand that they want what they want now. Sometimes it feels like it doesn’t matter what you have going on ,it has to happen when they want it to happen. So what do you do as a parent when it comes to this, how do you teach your kids to learn to wait?

I feel like maybe it has a lot to do with how much of a rush your in. If you go out to get that item you just realized five minutes ago that you really need than why would your kids not pick up on that habit. Sometimes we forgo updates and better items cause we don’t want to wait another day or week for something. We need to learn to look at our circumstances and figure out if we can really afford to drop everything for something that is sometimes very minimal?

What lesson do we teach our children by example if all we do is expect everyone to put a rush on everything? We must make changes and practice patience in order to instill in our kids the importance of waiting.

via Daily Prompt: Rush