Three Little Words

Is it too early

Or am I too late

Should I hurry

Or maybe wait?

How will I know

Is there a sign

Will I get a note?

Is it almost time?

I think I’m ready

Is it now or never?

This is too scary

It feels like forever

I’m tired of waiting

Maybe I’ll say it

There’s no abating

Okay forget it

I’m too nervous

But I’m also excited

My mind is a circus

I’m a little frightened

It’s really very simple

But timing is key

It’s also difficult

But it will set me free

I hold my breath

I’m waiting for the moment

Here is my chance

I hope I don’t blow it.

Ready or not it’s coming

My heart is beating fast

I feel like I’m running

I want this to last

So I say this here

And I say it loud

I want you to hear

That I am proud

I mean this in every way

And I promise it’s true

So believe me when I say

i_love_you_PNG46

My desire.

A spark waiting to reignite.

Love that seemed outta sight.

A feeling worth the fight.

Yet slowly losing height.

I was on the verge of quitting.

No longer worried about meeting.

The one that would give me meaning.

And always care about my feelings.

But a single light, in the distance shown.

And suddenly I, didn’t feel so alone.

My heart no longer roams.

Because it has found a new home.

You came out of nowhere.

Now life is easier to bare.

So my love i do swear.

To the one that will always be there.

You re-lit my flame.

You’ve wiped all the pain.

Now my life will never be the same.

Cause you are the one that I claim.

To express how I feel.

Is just so surreal.

Losing you isn’t part of the deal.

Cause my love for you is so real.

I love you more everyday.

And that love will never stray.

But stay true to you till my dying day.

Cause I know our love will never fade.

Dear Angela,

447EC9C1-F963-4425-9F13-F0FCD2903842

Yesterday was Mothers Day, I went and spent some time with Liam. He fills me with an emotion that I can’t even begin to define. Love, pride, woe and happiness, all wrapped in one.

He is getting so big, and he is the happiest baby I have ever seen! I joked with Zack about how big his ears are (something that he got from you) they stick out so much. I’m afraid that he might just take off in the Oklahoma wind.

I’m glad that you did at least get to see him before the end, but I wish you could have held him at least once. You both deserved to have felt each other, even if for a moment. I promise that he will know how great of a mother you were and how much you wanted him in our lives.

I know that he will see a lot of you in his siblings and he will see the work you did to raise them, and care for them.

IMG_0439 (2).jpg

Rose is growing up way to fast and I have to except that no matter how much I try I can’t stop her. She is the smartest 4-year-old ever. She just graduated from daycare, you would have been so proud of her! I can just picture the look on your face if you had seen her in her little cap and gown. I know that she learned a lot from you, you taught her so much and it amazes me how much like a sponge she is. I assure you though that she is still a little pain in the butt when it comes to pooping in the potty, I’m sure my sister can attest to that, she gives us both grief in that front. I know that she will grow up to be smart and devoted, just like you!

IMG_0175.JPG

Alicia had her spring concert recently and she did amazing! I know that she would have loved to be more involved with the band this year but given the circumstances, she did what she could. Not to sell her short she did really great and I am proud of her.
On that note, your shy reserved and timid daughter was also in a play. Yeah, Alicia acted in front of people! I would have never guessed she would be involved in drama, but here she is on the brink of becoming an actor.
She still writes and does art which she gets better at every day. I see a lot of you in her. I see your sense of wonder and curiosity in her, I see things that could never be taught but only inherited. She is your daughter inside (in spirit) and outside (her ears).

IMG_0153 (2).JPG

Katie, whoo, where do I even start with Katie? She has your personality, I mean I don’t think that I could have handled two of you at the same time. Yet I would have willingly done it if I had been given the chance.
She always amazes me with her creativity, and her eagerness to learn new things (as long as it’s what she wants to learn). She has switched over to the academy from homeschooling and she is unstoppable! She is poised to graduate next year! She is blowing through classes like no other!
I see your determination and fighting zeal in her every day. I have no worries that Katie will grow up to become whatever she wants to be. She is independent and self-motivated and I know she will do great things with her life.

32130666_2124969351125576_1030065846300442624_o.jpg

Zack, well what can I say about your son? He is no longer that little boy with the girly voice, he is pretty much a man now. Although I will always see him as an indecisive teen. Don’t let that fool you he is growing up into a very capable and determined young man.
He just graduated from the Tech Center and is set to graduate from high school in a few days.
Funny thing about Zack he got your sense of humor, and your ability to find amusement in things that others would overlook. He owes a lot to you, even if he doesn’t see it all right now, he is slowly learning all things you tried to instill in him.

F697F1BE-A8E8-4336-BEBD-7C030F2A8DEF.png

Derp, yes Derp. He is still hanging in there, a little less masculine than before, but still as ornery as ever.

IMG_0464 (2)

It’s funny as I write this, I realize that you not only left behind memories, you left behind a puzzle. Each one of your kids is a piece of you. You made it to where your kids would have to stay together in order to see you again. I’ve seen it first-hand today!
We went out on Mothers Day and spent the whole day playing pool. I swear I have not seen those kids get along and smile so much in a long time. It felt like you were there with us, as Zack and Katie went back and forth trading quips and laughing. As Alicia concentrated, determined to sink the ball. Rose climbing over all the chairs and under the table. Putting chalk on our sticks and her face, helping all of us with our shots, giggling and smiling the whole time.
It has been tough this last year, learning to deal with everything and trying to bring balance into our lives.
We have never once set forth to learn to live without you, that just isn’t possible, what we have done is learned to live for you and with you. We carry your memory with us and uphold your virtues. We strive to learn from your teaching as well as your mistakes, in order to show everyone that you are among us no matter what.
To say you are missing out on what is happening in our lives is a lie, I know you are there the only thing you are missing out on is the physical.
I do my best to take care of the gifts you have left me. I do what I can and hope that it is enough, although it is sometimes tough by myself, it is in you that I find the strength and will to protect, love, and nurture these kids!C14E412D-FF7A-4588-ADBA-95B24BE2B6BD.png

I want you to know that we Love You, Miss You, and Always Remember You.

Your kids have written there own word to express how they feel and I have included them here.

Zack,

“I miss you so much Mom. I graduate in a week and even though you aren’t here I know you are watching over me and all of us. I know that you are proud of me everyday. I’m glad that you are my guardian angel because I always stop from doing stupid things and I always know it’s you protecting me. I love you always and forever”

Katie,

“Mom,
Not a day goes by where I don’t think about you. We all miss you so much and wish you were still here with us. But I know you’re watching over us, making sure we don’t make a mistake. Everyone is doing so many things that you would be so proud of. I would give anything just to have one more conversation with you just to tell you that I love you one last time. Happy Mother’s Day Mom.”

Alicia,

“Every day I miss you Mom. It always hurts. But every day, minute, and second, the pain slowly goes away. I’m reminded of you every day in small things. The random shivers I have, even the way a person laughs. And I smile. I miss you, but I know you never left for one second.
Happy Mother’s Day”

Flaunt

The way she flaunts, her body at me.

Knowing what I want and making me weak.

Moving her body in a taunt, swaying her cheeks.

She will leave you stunned with her physique.

Movements so fluid they haunt, I want to shriek.

She is on the hunt and ready, her bodies in heat..

Her curves take me on a jaunt, as I reach my peak.

She has so much fun with new techniques.

The way that she grunts, and grips the sheets.

It’s will leave you sprung, a feeling so unique!

via Daily Prompt: Flaunt

A Song of Life

She walked in and everyone saw her, except me I didn’t see her, I sensed her. I sensed her in the increased blood flow throughout my body. I sensed her when my heart rate quickened and I was in cadence with her. I Sensed her in my shallow breathing, in sync with her steps. We were in rhythm but I doubt she would ever know.

A girl like that would never notice me. Why would she? I was a nobody. A nobody that seemed to syncopate every time she came near. I could feel her presence, and if that was the effect she had on me just by coming close, I could imagine what would happen if she ever touched me. I would daydream about what would happen if she ever came in contact with me. It would be a symphonic event that would start with a crescendo and would be filled with accents and trills that would send us over the top. An unstoppable force of rhythmic passion filled with affrettando and devoto. It would be our greatest compositions!

If that was just a touch, imagine what holding her would entail or even still, what would happen if we ever kiss! A daydream that would overcome me for months!

I would dream of creating music with her for the rest of my life! It would be an awesome song of life!

via Daily Prompt: Song

Froth: Love Incarnate.

frothing_sea_by_iudexncr

We are like the sea and the land, the beach and the water colliding. Agitating one another, with a passionate friction, the ebb and tide creating a luminescent glow that only we knew about. We belong by each other but not with each other. You are meant for things I could never imagine and I, the same in your eyes.

I wish that we could be as the ponds or the lakes. The land holding the water, surrounding it and letting it erode parts away. Till the water is comfortable and free yet protected.

At last that can not be us, for you the sea are to much to tame an entity all it’s self, free and unpredictable. Yet calm, cool, and tranquil when needed.

And I the land, although I am very important for life, I sometimes wish to be set free! To rumble and crack, having you fill every crevice of my being! To feel the tsunamis of your love crash against my shores, in euphoric ecstasy. The ebb and tide of your waves moving across my beach with such pleasure that we can’t help but froth!

Yet it can not be, for we are too important in our own worlds and to our own creatures! We found our niche and that is were we belong, but to say I have forgotten what we had or what we once were would be ridiculous. The memories of what created, what we now are, will forever be ingrained in my life.

A super continent and massive body of water inchoate in life. We started young and have come so far. So it is, that we must learn to coexist together without sabotaging what we’ve accomplished.

via Daily Prompt: Froth

We were Luminescent

i-want-to-be-everything-you-didnt-know-you-were-looking-for-280824.jpg

From the moment I saw her walk into my class, I knew that she would change my life. I could feel it, I was in love and that was it. A luminescent love that had yet to reach the temperature of incandescence.

Oh what I wouldn’t give to be her everything. I wanted to be the cardigan she wore, loosely fitting but tight enough to feel secure. I wanted to be her glasses, to see the world through her eyes. I wanted to be her phone, something so important that it was always by her side. I wanted to be the book she read before she went to bed, getting all the attention form her. I wanted to be her mirror, to watch her insecurities disappear as she danced and sang in front of me.  I wanted to be her blankets, to cocoon her in a long embrace, trapping her own warmth within and just letting her melt into a vulnerable state.

But most importantly I wanted to be all those things at once, I wanted to be her best friend. The person that could do all those things at once. But I new that I would have to step up my own luminescence, and step out of my comfort zone, A simple gesture would not win her over, it would have to be a triumphant display. I knew I was in for a fight and I was more than ready!