My desire.

A spark waiting to reignite.

Love that seemed outta sight.

A feeling worth the fight.

Yet slowly losing height.

I was on the verge of quitting.

No longer worried about meeting.

The one that would give me meaning.

And always care about my feelings.

But a single light, in the distance shown.

And suddenly I, didn’t feel so alone.

My heart no longer roams.

Because it has found a new home.

You came out of nowhere.

Now life is easier to bare.

So my love i do swear.

To the one that will always be there.

You re-lit my flame.

You’ve wiped all the pain.

Now my life will never be the same.

Cause you are the one that I claim.

To express how I feel.

Is just so surreal.

Losing you isn’t part of the deal.

Cause my love for you is so real.

I love you more everyday.

And that love will never stray.

But stay true to you till my dying day.

Cause I know our love will never fade.

Dear Angela,

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Yesterday was Mothers Day, I went and spent some time with Liam. He fills me with an emotion that I can’t even begin to define. Love, pride, woe and happiness, all wrapped in one.

He is getting so big, and he is the happiest baby I have ever seen! I joked with Zack about how big his ears are (something that he got from you) they stick out so much. I’m afraid that he might just take off in the Oklahoma wind.

I’m glad that you did at least get to see him before the end, but I wish you could have held him at least once. You both deserved to have felt each other, even if for a moment. I promise that he will know how great of a mother you were and how much you wanted him in our lives.

I know that he will see a lot of you in his siblings and he will see the work you did to raise them, and care for them.

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Rose is growing up way to fast and I have to except that no matter how much I try I can’t stop her. She is the smartest 4-year-old ever. She just graduated from daycare, you would have been so proud of her! I can just picture the look on your face if you had seen her in her little cap and gown. I know that she learned a lot from you, you taught her so much and it amazes me how much like a sponge she is. I assure you though that she is still a little pain in the butt when it comes to pooping in the potty, I’m sure my sister can attest to that, she gives us both grief in that front. I know that she will grow up to be smart and devoted, just like you!

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Alicia had her spring concert recently and she did amazing! I know that she would have loved to be more involved with the band this year but given the circumstances, she did what she could. Not to sell her short she did really great and I am proud of her.
On that note, your shy reserved and timid daughter was also in a play. Yeah, Alicia acted in front of people! I would have never guessed she would be involved in drama, but here she is on the brink of becoming an actor.
She still writes and does art which she gets better at every day. I see a lot of you in her. I see your sense of wonder and curiosity in her, I see things that could never be taught but only inherited. She is your daughter inside (in spirit) and outside (her ears).

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Katie, whoo, where do I even start with Katie? She has your personality, I mean I don’t think that I could have handled two of you at the same time. Yet I would have willingly done it if I had been given the chance.
She always amazes me with her creativity, and her eagerness to learn new things (as long as it’s what she wants to learn). She has switched over to the academy from homeschooling and she is unstoppable! She is poised to graduate next year! She is blowing through classes like no other!
I see your determination and fighting zeal in her every day. I have no worries that Katie will grow up to become whatever she wants to be. She is independent and self-motivated and I know she will do great things with her life.

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Zack, well what can I say about your son? He is no longer that little boy with the girly voice, he is pretty much a man now. Although I will always see him as an indecisive teen. Don’t let that fool you he is growing up into a very capable and determined young man.
He just graduated from the Tech Center and is set to graduate from high school in a few days.
Funny thing about Zack he got your sense of humor, and your ability to find amusement in things that others would overlook. He owes a lot to you, even if he doesn’t see it all right now, he is slowly learning all things you tried to instill in him.

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Derp, yes Derp. He is still hanging in there, a little less masculine than before, but still as ornery as ever.

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It’s funny as I write this, I realize that you not only left behind memories, you left behind a puzzle. Each one of your kids is a piece of you. You made it to where your kids would have to stay together in order to see you again. I’ve seen it first-hand today!
We went out on Mothers Day and spent the whole day playing pool. I swear I have not seen those kids get along and smile so much in a long time. It felt like you were there with us, as Zack and Katie went back and forth trading quips and laughing. As Alicia concentrated, determined to sink the ball. Rose climbing over all the chairs and under the table. Putting chalk on our sticks and her face, helping all of us with our shots, giggling and smiling the whole time.
It has been tough this last year, learning to deal with everything and trying to bring balance into our lives.
We have never once set forth to learn to live without you, that just isn’t possible, what we have done is learned to live for you and with you. We carry your memory with us and uphold your virtues. We strive to learn from your teaching as well as your mistakes, in order to show everyone that you are among us no matter what.
To say you are missing out on what is happening in our lives is a lie, I know you are there the only thing you are missing out on is the physical.
I do my best to take care of the gifts you have left me. I do what I can and hope that it is enough, although it is sometimes tough by myself, it is in you that I find the strength and will to protect, love, and nurture these kids!C14E412D-FF7A-4588-ADBA-95B24BE2B6BD.png

I want you to know that we Love You, Miss You, and Always Remember You.

Your kids have written there own word to express how they feel and I have included them here.

Zack,

“I miss you so much Mom. I graduate in a week and even though you aren’t here I know you are watching over me and all of us. I know that you are proud of me everyday. I’m glad that you are my guardian angel because I always stop from doing stupid things and I always know it’s you protecting me. I love you always and forever”

Katie,

“Mom,
Not a day goes by where I don’t think about you. We all miss you so much and wish you were still here with us. But I know you’re watching over us, making sure we don’t make a mistake. Everyone is doing so many things that you would be so proud of. I would give anything just to have one more conversation with you just to tell you that I love you one last time. Happy Mother’s Day Mom.”

Alicia,

“Every day I miss you Mom. It always hurts. But every day, minute, and second, the pain slowly goes away. I’m reminded of you every day in small things. The random shivers I have, even the way a person laughs. And I smile. I miss you, but I know you never left for one second.
Happy Mother’s Day”

Smoke

The smoke lingers.

The smell between my fingers.

The taste on my mouth,

The room spins around.

I want that first high,

a feeling I will never get right.

I chase and I chase,

something I can never replace.

The time I waste trying to replicate.

I feel like I’m running through a maze

I’m outta place, I’m in a haze.

Drag after drag,

ash after ash.

I move to the next thing,

Something with more strength

Something crazy and insane.

So I take a shot than a hit.

from a vice that doesn’t mean shit.

I’m numb, my throat’s dry, I cant spit.

I’m gone, barely alive, I can’t quit.

I try and I try from the floor where I lie

trying to detoxify while I’m mystified.

How much did I buy?

I break down and cry!

I must stop to survive.

A habit, like another gateway

A demon that I can’t slay

No more good days

my demons want to surface

I feel less than perfect

Like maybe I’m just a burden

My failures are like a circuit

I promise it’s not on purpose

My demons make me nervous

The first time was the best

but it will never compare to the rest.

I will soon be six feet deep in the grave.

Dealing with craziness as my world goes insane.

Time goes by that i can never save.

All for a sensation something stupid I crave.

For a feeling that will never be the same.

A crutch like an animal that i can never tamed.

Levitate

It’s cloudy outside, no sun light insight!

But today I’m a reach new heights.

Anything is possible if I try.

And that’s my god given right.

I’m just gonna levitate

pass the clouds and feel the rays

of the sun upon my face

cause I want to celebrate

I’m a make it a perfect day.

And nothing can stop me at this rate!

I’m on a natural high,

this is a brand new vibe.

Today I’m all about the fight.

And I’m coming with so much might!

I’m a meditate, remove the rage

and clear the haze, evade the hate.

Cause today is gonna be a good day.

 

Friendship Bestowed

You all came in when I need you most.

And kept me from losing all hope.

A lucky encounter; or insane plan?

That brought together four crazy friends.

All with problems no one understands.

When we get together we take command.

We help each other through thick and thin.

No matter where we go or where we’ve been.

We’re no friends for rent, or a passing trend.

Cause this crew doesn’t play pretend!

A bunch of losers in a club!

But we ain’t no scrubs.

Say what you want but we’re still on top.

Cause every bodies knows we’re non-stop!

via Daily Prompt: Bestow

Try

Today I’ve decided to change it up a bit. Usually I would write some motivational blog (at least I hope they are motivational) or a poem of some sort but not today. Today is different day, it’s Sunday the day that most people spend in church, or visiting family, or even spending time with friends.

I want to issue a challenge to my Committed Readers today. I say go out there and try something new. I’m not saying go hoe on a plain and jump out of it! Although if you do please put it in the comments cause that’s something I want to hear about immediately!

For everyone else who is more “down to earth” I say step outta your comfort zone just a hair. Meet someone new, try a new restaurant, play a new game, visit family you usually don’t see, write in a new genre (if your a writer), or watch a new show. It doesn’t matter how crazy or how mild the new thing is, just try!

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Maybe you wanna do something all your friends do but you haven’t. Maybe you wanna go play a game of basketball, or try some softball. Hell go for a run or a hike. Take a small road trip. It is up to you all you need to do is partake.

I would love to hear about what you tried and did today. Maybe whatever you choose to do today will help invigorate you for the start of the work week. I mean if you can try something new than there is no reason you can’t handle the mundane and repetitiveness of the rest of the week!

So go out there and try, partake, and experience. Start your week off right. I believe in you my Committed Reader!

via Daily Prompt: Partake